stuff that people want to/should know when they seek a mentor

mentorship is undeniably taking the wave lately, and honestly, it’s about time.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

I got pretty lucky in my cybersecurity journey. Had a few amazing mentors along the way, which made me a big advocate for giving forward.

But here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: in cybersecurity, being a woman and being good at mentoring, communicating, or even writing often leads to assumptions. There’s this outdated notion that strong technical skills and strong communication skills can’t coexist. That if you’re good at mentoring or leadership, you must be “less” of an engineer.

I disagree — completely.

This industry thrives when we break these limiting stereotypes. We need to stop equating technical excellence with silence and start recognizing that the best engineers aren’t just the ones who can build, but also the ones who can teach, communicate, and inspire.

For me, this isn’t just about proving a point. It’s about ensuring that others — especially those coming up in the field — don’t have to fight these same battles alone. The more we challenge these biases, the more opportunities we create for talent to rise and be seen for their full value.

You can be a mentor, a leader, a communicator, and one hell of an engineer — all at the same time. And that’s the hill I’m standing on.

Hors d’œuvre

In our hashtalk today:

• why mentorship is the cheat code you need
• how to find a mentor without it feeling like awkward dating
• are you and your mentor a fit?
• red flags in a mentor and how to spot them
• how to be a high-value mentee

Why mentorship is the cheat code you need

We all want to be the main character in our careers, but let’s face it: nobody makes it alone. Having a mentor can hugely impact how you navigate your cybersecurity career and how to arrive at point A without you having to necessarily take the long route. Here’s what mentorship brings to the table:

1. Experience without the bruises
   Mentors have already been there, done that, and probably survived the incident you’re panicking about. This doesn’t mean you won’t make your own mistakes, but this also opens a learning opportunity before you’re thrown in the fire.
2. Networking
   Cybersecurity is a tight-knit field. Your mentor is your plug for new opportunities, introductions, and making your way in the community.
3. Confidence boost on tap
   Imposter syndrome is something that almost everyone that works in cybersecurity has struggled with. Your mentor is the one who’ll remind you that, yes, you do know your stuff and, no, nobody actually knows everything.

How to find a mentor without it feeling like awkward dating

Finding the right mentor is quite important if you want to achieve your goals without doubting everything — shared energy, mutual respect, and good communication are key. Here’s the process, step by step:

1. Slide into DMs (professionally)
   Whether it’s LinkedIn, conferences, or your company Slack, start the convo. Don’t lead with “Will you be my mentor?” That’s the career equivalent of proposing on the first date. Start with, “I admire your work in XYZ. Could I ask you a few questions about your career path?”
2. Look for alignment, not a clone
   A mentor isn’t someone who mirrors you, they’re someone who challenges you. Look for complementary skills and perspectives.
3. Try a mentoring platform
   Do a proper filtering. Read the bios and take that initial kick-off call, but come prepared to that meeting. Asking the right questions and getting the initial vibe is very important.

Are you and your mentor a fit? Here’s the vibe check

You don’t want a mentor who feels like an obligation or, worse, someone who makes you dread meetings. Here’s how to tell if the relationship is thriving:

1. The energy exchange is 🔥
   Do you leave every meeting feeling smarter, inspired, or less like a cyber dumpster fire? That’s the energy you want.
2. Feedback is real but kind
   A good mentor doesn’t just gas you up — they also tell you when you’re off track. But if the feedback feels more like roasting than coaching, it’s a red flag.
3. Mutual Growth
   It’s not a one-sided deal. Even as a mentee, you should be adding value — whether it’s sharing insights, asking thought-provoking questions, or simply showing up ready to learn.

Red Flags: When to swipe left on a mentor

Not every mentorship is meant to be. Here are the 🚩 signs to look out for:

• Gatekeeping energy: If they act like you’ll never be good enough or hoard knowledge, BYE.
• Unreliable AF: If they constantly ghost meetings or cancel last minute, you deserve better.
• Ego overload: If they make it all about them or dismiss your goals, it’s not mentorship — it’s their TED Talk.

How to be a high-value mentee

• Come prepared: Always have an agenda or questions ready for meetings.
• Do the homework: If they suggest a resource, use it before your next chat.
• Follow through: Take action on their advice and update them on your progress.

TL;DR

Mentorship is your career glow-up waiting to happen. Pick the right guide, bring your A-game, don’t settle and don’t only ask technical questions. Use their experience to understand how the navigate the field better. Whether you’re learning to simulate attacks or survive your first SOC rotation, a mentor is your secret weapon. Now go find yours — and maybe one day, you’ll be passing the torch to someone else.

Let’s keep in touch

I’d always be willing to discuss more, exchange ideas and continue the hash talk.

• Reach me at: evaincybersec@gmail.com